2 posts tagged “bullshit”

I get more than a bit irked by tiresome idiots who eagerly and vigorously parrot another person or group’s views and then blithely imagine that in their doing so it magically transmutes them into being a “thinker.” This tendency to interpret a chosen group’s beliefs as ones own individual thoughts is very strong in much of what passes as the human species.

Bone heads of this type seem incapable of recognizing that mutually agreeing upon something doesn’t in anyway render it into being accurate, thoughtful or true. It might be a nice warm little fantasy for dick heads to hold onto but outside of La-la Land knowledge or wisdom is never automatically bestowed upon anybody by mere alliance.

Additionally, clods who erroneously equate “joining up” with amplifying their intelligence usually also find that it’s much less of a strain on their gray matter to simply avoid suffering the unsettling feelings that can be involved in really examining favored assumptions and beliefs. They’d rather flee from manifest reality into the company of some asshole buddies with whom they can hunker down and share the simple joys of preening their predefined notions and reinforcing their mutually assured stupidity.

This is a fucking miserable form of immaturity; one unfortunately I’ve come in contact with more and more frequently as I’ve wandered through Greater Blogistan. And though this type of pathetic self invention and aggrandizement isn’t relegated by any means to any one particular group, affiliation, or type of blogger, I’ve found that its ugly presence is decidedly more in evidence on blog shites run by the folks who like to refer to their blathering selves as, “Conservative Philosophers” or “Conservative Thinkers”.

Well, I’m sad to say folks, based upon the generally dim quality of the conservative blogs I’ve encountered on my web wanderings I have to conclude that the usually self bestowed title of, “Conservative Thinker” is too often an oxymoron. This should hardly be a surprise since most of the glum shits whose conservative blogs I’ve tried to stomach have an overweening tendency to slavishly mimic the journalistic posturings of Bill O’Reilly and Rush Limbaugh as their template of “intellect”.

Never the less, real thinking isn’t really much of a requirement on these conservative websites since the majority of political argument and intellectual consideration actually consists of bullying regurgitations of the talking points spewed out daily by the puffed up pundits at Fox and that coven of crumb bums we currently have infesting our White House.

But wait! Perhaps I’m being far too harsh and unfair. Maybe being a so called, “Conservative Thinker”, could be deemed totally accurate description, if by that one means that the salient feature of thinking is to aggressively discard, without consideration, anything you’d rather not hear or acknowledge.

Of course there is another obvious impediment to most of these sad sack journalists being able to truthfully categorize themselves as “thinkers”; (a big fucking impediment the size of a gyrating mastodon in a hula skirt); they already have reached a predetermined conclusion, the big one that is always guaranteed to bugger any real discourse or pursuit of the truth: “We’re right and you’re wrong!”

Ah, but hold on a moment! Not only are too many conservative bloggers right and everyone else are just plain wrong, oh no folks, that would never do, and it’s clearly not enough for them! Those that are sneeringly pronounced as being wrong by these conservative shitto-heads are also generously labeled (by default) as being, dismissively stupid, unpatriotic, unmanly bordering upon being John Edwards, cowardly, traitorous, de facto liberal assholes, UN lovers, ungodly, abortionists, vegetarians, fags, elitist snobs, freedom haters, terrorist lovers, wimps, and of course the kicker, “not like us real Americans.”

Maybe there are deep psychological elements, geographic considerations and societal demographics that if whisked in a blender and strained through a dirty cheese cloth would somehow explain the development of bush league brainiacs of this ilk. But quite frankly, having wandered through so many conservative blog sites that I now have stars and stripes floating behind my eye lids, I just find myself feeling soiled and tired from exposure to so much rampant crap.

I tend to think that this reaction of mine might serve to illustrate what the real goal of current American conservatism probably is; it doesn’t really seek to win one over as much as it relies upon numb skull slogans, pigheaded propaganda, and mean spirited divisiveness to simply wear one’s ass out!

Now that I have obviously pussy footed around this particular subject I’m going to take three hot baths, have an exorcism performed over me and then I might once again find the energy to wander some more in the Republic of Blogistan.

Oh and by the way, I'm not a liberal; I'm an anarchist/royalist with Libertarian leanings toward Buddism, so fuck off!

Aries profound creative and artistic senses come to the fore during this next lunar phase. Your hearts and flowers needle point and sugary sweet scrapbooking efforts will reach new heights of perfection with the addition of Pepto-Bismol pink and chartreuse accents, heavy use of purple glitter and beads, and the sparing but special use of those oh so cute pressure sensitive micro chips that featuring the sounds of barn yard animals! Remember to stock up on lots of Valium and Bud Lite during this planetary alignment Aries, as your whole family will need big amounts of both to be able to fully perceive the profound merits of your artistic visions
 
Majestic and forceful is Taurus during this shift of the heavens. Those under the sign of Taurus should continue to hold their heads high and know their forcefulness of action is justified and righteous during this phase of the Zodiac. So Taurus males, don’t hold back if you need to get into a fist fight with your next door neighbor’s ten year old son. Lady Taurians, a big can of whoop ass is definitely in order if that 68 year old drunk-ass skank from the trailer park starts mouthing off at you just before last call! Wear the shackles of authority proudly this month knowing that thirty days in the hole will allow you to finish up this planetary trend in secure surroundings while you to make plans to skip parole and move out of state.

Romance is in the air this month for Gemini but love can prove to be a problem if you are expecting to experience a romantic encounter with anyone other than yourself. Organization is important to Geminis, and though tidying your sock drawer and organizing your napkin ring collection may be fulfilling personally, don’t be so quick to further your reputation as a wanker by boasting about this as a weekend accomplishment. This month will also bring an item of special interest in the mail! In this instance Lysol and and a rag are your best choice for removing lumps of dog shit from your subscription to Hamsters Monthly.

Cancer men and women  will find that a dark cloud will arise and challenge their deep and profound natures for the next month or so. Your normal microscopic introspection and Cancer seriousness will combine with your general tendency to be overbearing if you're not careful! This is a time for Cancers to step back from their normal brooding ways, avoid blame, and encourage friends and family members to seek guidance elsewhere; in places such as the local psyche ward or a suicide prevention group perhaps. During this time recounting your many woes in a monotone voice or offering blow by blow descriptions about the bleak thoughts that erupt from that Pandora’s Box you call your mind is a no-no unless you want to have friends and family offer to, “Shut your God damn cake hole, you depressing shithead!” During this time be aware that blood red is your new black and if you feel your life is spinning out of your control, hey, it is!

Sudden moves and unexpected situations are the lot of rugged Virgos this month. Don’t be alarmed! You can handle the sudden eviction and subsequent mugging with the same joie de vivre that characterizes the cheerful mind set of all Virgos when they’re stoned out of their fucking skulls. Necessary dietary changes will need to be implemented as well by Virgos during this part of the planetary cycle as access to the dumpster at Burger King will be padlocked for the foreseeable future. Adopting a new hobby like coin collecting will serve to improve your challenged mood. An exit ramp off the Interstate is an excellent place for Virgos to begin this worthwhile activity.

Generous and warm hearted to those you awe and admire and as slavishly faithful as a beaten lap dog, Leo will experience one of those cycles where being a major boot licking suck-up will be the order of the day. Seeing that your nature is to be deathly afraid of anything you don’t know the least bit about, joining up with other xenophobic blame artist will seem like a fab idea! Go ahead and make a move to enlist in the ranks of a group like, The Neo-con Crusaders, Fascist Youth for Jesus, or Americans against Poor People, and quickly set about to prove that you can be as pompously intolerant and retardedly dogmatic as the best of them. Don’t hesitate to paste pictures of Dick Cheney and Jerry Falwell on your bedroom wall. Start calling liberals “a coven of fags” and keep your eye peeled... FBI recruiters are currently looking for talent.

Ah Libra! Your faithfulness and steady perseverance will surprise and shock a very important someone in your life. This special someone will then in turn be forced to get a restraining order placed on your sorry ass. Don’t be too discouraged as your selfless determination will find a new avenue of expression which will attract the attention of those who’ll have a far greater authority and cautious respect for a good hearted Libra, especially one who is wearing a pink Speedo and an aluminum foil hat and wildly waving a chrome plated 357 Magnum. As fashion sense is also a priority for Libras remember that your personal style will be best expressed during this phase of the Zodiac by wearing a casually rugged canvas jacket with a zippered back, especially long sleeves and chic wrap around, belted cuffs.

Its’ important for female Scorpios to make a point of not raising a stink this month, even when provoked. When some bitch you know steals your best ideas and plans, be sure to keep your own council, then watch patiently from the sidelines as the thieving twat gets sacked for promoting the lame brain, stupid suggestions that would have driven your career into the ditch! Male Scorpios, be sure not to be suckered into answering any of those zillion emails you get offering male enhancement. The return on your dollar will be a total waste of cash. Remember all you Catholic Scorpios, stick bravely to your pledge of giving up Jello for Lent.

So you're a Sagittarius? More like a saggy-hairy-ass if you ask me! The Zodiac clearly indicates that Its time for you to take things head on and stop following your natural inclination to meld with the friggin’ sofa! Doritos are out and broccoli is in Sagittarians! The South Park marathon is hereby cancelled and a brisk run with your dog in the park is on tap! Balance your check book and take out the trash Saggy as your usually effervescent mood takes a major nose dive into the shitter! For the next several weeks Mars rising indicates that through this turn around you’ll discover greater knowledge and bliss... Clarity will become yours and the utter certainty that life’s true wisdom resides in scarfing up mini pizzas and beer, sleeping late, watching reruns of The Favor of Love, avoiding bills and phone calls, and generally telling people to fuck off.

A Capricorn can easily end up feeling like Crapricorn during this celestial alignment as confusion and a divided spirit will usher in the need for self reflection. Don’t give up! Being liberal of heart and conservative in you action, your overbearing need to prove yourself to others will make your life suck balls for awhile. Yes, its depressing to realize that your biggest strengths as a Capricorn are polar opposites. You are capable of absolute, utter sincerity while having a natural gift for lying like a cheap fucking rug. You care deeply about people but have a stunning ability to step all over them without a moments thought as you pursue some hair brained ideology or dream. Don’t be alarmed goat face! Fellow Capricorns like Richard Nixon, Adolf Hitler and Jesus had to struggle with this bullshit too!

So fucking what Aquarius! Nobody cares if Jupiter aligns with Mars or your mooning the seventh house down from yours. The only age dawning on your Aquarian ass during this period of the Zodiac will be just that: Your AGE numb nuts! Its time to get it into your water logged skulls that going around bra-less in a tie dyed moo-moo or making your kids squirm by sporting a ratty ponytail on your otherwise balding head will not bring back the Sixties. Its one thing to be a naturally eccentric Aquarius but its entirely another to think its still cool to dress up like feeble minded trolls and woodland fairies when your just a bunch of paunchy old denture wearers! Buy some neutral clothes, stop smoking that Mexican ditch weed, take up golf and try reading the Wall Street Journal to learn about the present!

Quick witted, naturally suave, and possessing the gift of gab, Pisces will have the bounty of the constellations in their favor for the next two fortnights. Everything you touch will turn into gold Virgo-baby, so don’t play pocket pool! (Ha!) Instead go out and screw the financial shit out of geriatric retirees, strip the bank holdings of the lonely hearted, and the pocket books of the gravely ill. Charm their tits off and exploit their sad plight to stuff your mattress full of Ben Franklins! You’re sure as hell going to need those greenbacks in the following planetary cycle. The stars say you’re likely to be wearing your ass as a hat! You’ll probably have more legal troubles than Michael Jackson found naked in a canoe full of drunken Boy Scouts. A deluxe reservation at the city stockade is a distinct possibility along with an unexpected midnight date with a hulking dude named Humberto or Elmer. So enjoy being a rip off, but do it fast! You’re lawyer doesn’t work for nothing.