On Blogging Choices

Knuckles

To me there are several blog posting styles that should usually be avoided by the relatively sane and socially conscious bloggers among us. To me these are not so much matters of blogging etiquette. Fuck that nonsense!

Nor am I the least concerned with issues of what’s right or wrong, good or bad, as if I could possibly decipher either one. I’m talking about simply seeking to avoid posting stuff that will have the unintended effect of convincing readers of your blog, (whether justified or not), that you are either as dumb as a box of rocks, as irritating as a sand paper jock, or worst of all, duller than a warm cup of mayo.

Some of these, such as posting twenty plus poorly composed and out of focus snapshots from your backpacking trip to Orlando with the twelve Sunday school kids, or nattering on tearfully about how terribly bored and antsy-pantsy ones is, are fairly benign and harmless. Like a repellant or tiresome T.V. show one can always change the channel to view someone else’s stuff and thus quickly forget the coma inducing quality of such web mutterings.

Also relatively nontoxic, but slightly more sigh inducing, are the in depth and intensely humorless postings where the bloggist is certain that by writing twenty long, convoluted paragraphs with accompanying illustrations and copious footnotes, it will serve to demonstrate their intellectual pithiness to a greater degree than a small handful of blissfully brief sentences. (Uh, unlike this last one…)

A tad more vexing are the over earnest salesman types who feel compelled out of personal rapture to use their blogs to try and convince themselves (through trying to convince the rest of us) that they have found the real inside poop on what the “True Answer Is” to: A) Living Life, B) Finding Happiness, C) Knowing God, or D) Who’s the best fucking band on the planet!

Worse still are those of our blogging brethren who habitually post whatever vague shit just pops into their heads as if the rest of us have got a magic hot link to their brain functions and thus don’t need the slightest fucking hint, introduction, or clue as to what they’re whacking on about.

Even more likely to induce grumbling and teeth grinding are those bloggers who are obviously still pissed off that they were never chosen as Hall Monitors back in middle school. These folks spend a fair bit of their blog time chastising those whom they’ve deemed to be in need of social and/or manners correction.

In particular they’re aggressive toward other bloggers who tend to post vulgar pictures or use the “F” word and the “S” word a lot. Fearing that their children might be exposed to such corruptions they are blithely unaware that too often their miserable offspring have already been calling them assholes behind their backs for years and that little Cody and Brianna, if pressed, could probably reveal quite a bit more about themselves that Mom and Pop are clueless about.

The worst of all though are the bloggers, that as a group, you feel painfully embarrassed for. Like those sad, often well intentioned horny guys who post headache inducing photos of themselves without their shirts on desperately hoping somebody will think they’re hot. Also hair raising and wince inducing are the sugar sweet bloggers who write love poems to their pet cock-a-poo or favorite kitten. And of course, saddest of all, there are those truly exasperating utter nimrods… guys like me, who can’t help writing about totally useless complete bull crap like this.