An Unnecessary Report...

I'm sure I could induce many winces and groans by describing each little detail of my current sad condition after having a jolly pre-weekend Kidney Stone removal, but I'll try and forgo most of the gory details.

Suffice to say that my current condition is uncomfortable to say the least; so much so that today I've been seriously thinking of just setting my dick on fire and then putting out the flames with a brick simply to distract me from my forty times plus a day sessions of peeing what feels like molten lava and thumb tacks.

In between my horrid bouts of pissing boiled Drano and gravel I somehow managed to go pick up my two dogs from the kennel, where they had been happily stashed until I got over the worst of my post-op discomfort. (Ha!)

Naturally, as soon as I got them into the car, the most stupid and easily excitable pooch, named Bean, a.k.a. "Chopper", immediately jumped onto my lap. This created in me a unique physical sensation, not unlike having my spine sawed in half, vertically, from the ass upwards.

The sudden tears in my eyes, engendered by small paws pummeling my penis inspired my other dog Gus, a.k.a. "Poopdeck", to whine frantically and make repeated, urgent attempts to lick my face, which only made Chopper shift quickly from his impromptu Foxtrot on my nuts to a very agitated and spasmodic Rumba accompanied by lots of loud high pitched barking in my ear at point blank range.

Fortunately I'm back home now and I have popped a handfull of pills to smooth out the general agony. It should take the edge off sometime next week I imagine.
 
Yeah, yeah, I get it... This is definately more information than anybody needs to know.

Sorry.